2023-07-19
In the time it took for me to write this blog post, Blaseball permanently ended, I faced (and am still kind of facing) a rental scam, and I’ve setting into a somewhat permeant place to stay.
Now, that’s a lot, lol.
To be frank, I’m in a weird state, things are okay to the extent that through support from folks, as well as receiving some of my money back from the scam. I start work in August formally for the University, and then I’m applying for work near my place. Things are okay, at least it feels like they should be.
There’s the lingering anxiety of financial stability of course, but I find myself actually managing my anxiety easier! I still have to pay rent at the end of the day, so I may be working on some things soon along with finishing up existing work. I feel the buzz of creative energy in me, but there is an unending exhaustion, and unending urge to move. Now that I’m settled, I have to manage the way I use my energy.
I don’t really owe anyone the private details, but managing the fear of complete collapse is my goal.
A certain six-year anniversary passed this last Sunday, one that feels harder and stranger to reckon with every year.
I find that the distance makes the ache hurt less.
One last small joy, I have a system to request maintenance from my apartment’s property manager and the mechanics? They’re lesbians. Lesbian wives too, they’ll be coming over to replace my oven hood next week.
In the meantime between blog posts and updates, my Ko-fi is the primary way to support me, or you can ask for something else via a DM, I’ll get together a page in the next few days that houses the support list.
It’s that time of year again, and it feels sort of like bittersweet chocolate. I’ve been craving creative outlets beyond my school work, of course, and Blaseball is a familiar house. It’s also one that’s gone now.
I don’t think I’ve really grasped what the end of Blaseball means in an artistic sense yet. In the practical sense it means the “community” will divide further, based on interests and preexisting divisions; the developers and moderators will, hopefully, all find new work in the future [in some cases, it looks like a few already have], it means people will move on.
Moving on is a weird way to put it, at least for me, I find Blaseball overall to be something really valuable to me, in the memories, peers, friends, and knowledge I found. I also know, that like most typical “fandom” spaces, the toxicity and genuine faults across all levels of the game and the network surrounding caused me and the people I loved a lot of harm and grief. In that sense, saying goodbye feels okay to me.
Back to the point of artistic meaning, I know I’m not done developing or depicting my thoughts on Blaseball. While I’m sure, like other previous creative endeavors in my life, I’ll fade it out of my creative lexicon, I still have stories I’d like to tell.
The Blaseball Zine Jam this year is going to give me a much-needed artistic reset I need, and while I’m sure I’ll have a lot of pieces released for it, expect some original work too!
Some Things I’ve Enjoyed During All Of This
I got turned on to non-alcoholic hops drinks by one of my mom’s best friends, he had us over, and he helped me move, but that might be my most pretentious moment yet. Also enjoyed Strawberry Basil Soda.
A new Mountain Goats song came out today. I need to know more about miss Jenny from Thebes
Ada made me this playlist that I’ve really been enjoying, especially tracks 9, 12, and 16
Here’s what news from the future looks like.
I cannot tell you how often Fuel occupies my brain, I am SO relieved someone like Jacob Geller covered it because it has lived with me as a title since childhood.
If you’re a wrestling fan, keep an eye on Exploding Cage! I may have a piece in the works, now that I’m recovering from my moving disaster.
Lastly, I really found solace in coding again recently, hense the varity of changes across my site. I think, in all of things that happened to me over the course of the last blog post to now. I ached for structure and stability while absolutely not having that, and during the time I was couch surfing and waiting for all the professional agencies to do things on their end so that I could get to where I am now, I coded. I’m happy with this set up as of late, and I’m sure more updates will come down the pipe.
Thank you for reading, thank you to everyone who has continued to keep me afloat, thank you to the people who have been patient with me.
Take care of yourselves out there.