I’m writing this with a warm excitement, both because they finally turned on the heating at work, and because I feel really proud after I hit my reading goal for this year.
I set myself a 12 book goal, one book a month, as a means to seemingly pase myself and allow for a bit of experimentation in terms of what I read.
First and foremost, I hit my goal and exceeded it by one book, I read 15 in total from January to the day I’m writing this. While there’s a chance I finish one to two more books by the time this is out, I’ll probably add them to next year’s goal, which I’ll discuss further down.
Secondly, just to provide some context for how I managed to finish my goal this year, I want to be clear that what counts as a finished piece in my tracker of choice, Storygraph, can very. While I did read larger works, a majority of what I read was under 300 pages, with the smallest page count clocking in at 12 pages.
This year, I prioritized short stories at first to just encourage me to read. I found even the average size novel intimidating given I hadn’t tackled one since high school. I found myself pretty disillusioned and intimidated even though by and large, I spend large portions of my day reading and writing. In the latter half of the year, the short story emphasis continued since I had a course focused on such. For that course, some of the material I read I chose to add to my list were the ones I enjoyed the most.
As I eased myself into bigger novels or different mediums, I found myself enjoying the pace of reading or listening, and the habit became not only comfortable and consistent, but something I turned to in order to calm myself.
That was a lot of pre-amble, so lets turn the page into the amble.
2023 Reading List
Statistics
80 Pages
First Published in 2010
Finished January 7th 2023
Thoughts
I was vaguely familiar with Bellwether’s work in extension to the way she was often cited among other trans women and sex educators in the field, though I only picked up FTW after hearing about her passing from across the internet and her partner.
I want to highlight the insurmountable value I received from Bellwether’s words on sex, intimacy and communication. Importantly, the acknowledgement of the body and how to inhabit them. The abandonment of metaphor that Bellwether puts forward in respect for sex provided a framework I never had before in dialogue about sex even if I’m not dating a trans woman.
It stunned me so as someone with a stunted sense of the sexual self, and I ache for more work that takes on the raw, genuine complexities trans bodies can experience the way Bellwether did.
You can get Fucking Trans Women here, and support Mira’s family while you’re at it.
Statistics
32 Pages
First Published in 2020
Finished April 9th 2023
Thoughts
Love Despite Everything features three short stories, either played through Twine or read in a PDF.
The Pieces: teeth into bone, maladaption, and seré, lo que era,
I found this piece on my browses of itch.io and in carving into the smaller creative works I find a lot of beautiful and aching stories I wouldn’t have found otherwise.
With stories as short as these, I suggest you read them on Elliot’s page, but I want to address the afterword Elliot offered:
I’m proud of you for healing, as much as you have, I hope you know that I found these words cathartic and meaningful.
I hope you know you’re more than good enough.
Statistics
80 Pages
First Published 2019
Finished April 21st 2023
Thoughts
Taking on a poetry collection is an essential part of any reading goal for me. I often feel far too embarrassed to publish my own poetry, so seeing Twist put this much soul and rage into depicting and weaving together her life that it smacked into me like the kind of punches being thrown by kids who called me disgusting words.
I read Under Uprooted Trees and I start to feel static behind my eyes, losing control, losing me, Twist thinking of the selves she killed and I wonder how many of us commit to those suicides compared to the physical act. I am not owed the intimacies and pain Twist displays across Disintegrate/Dissociate. Though poetry, however personal, has always given me a sense of connection both in the patterns of pain, and the patterns of love artists allow us to follow.
Statistics
46 pages
First Published 2018
Finished April 21st 2023
Thoughts
This is a shorter historical fiction piece, centered on the lives of two boys in California’s juvenile system on the cusp of discovering so much about themselves, and their communities. While it clocked in at 47 pages, I found myself feeling connected to these two boys, their isolation and frustration. To capture the unique perspective of homophobia in childhood communities and how it is punished differently for the likes of non-white men, the prose provided so much yet made me ache to know more about Clark and Julio, even without the chance to
Statistics
31 Pages
First Published 2018
Finished April 23rd 2023
Thoughts
Every once and a while I’ll come across a piece that checks all of the boxes for what I look for in fiction, and Meteor family frankly nailed it. Following the butch gladiator and a genderless reptile mercenary, the piece builds as a cosmic found family narrative with love and violence that left me utterly losing it. Cameron instantly charmed me as a character, but the entire cast gets the chance to shine in really stunning poetic vignettes. Bashe’s work continues to pull me in with the way descriptive text and poetics meet the characters and plot to actually flow quite well. I definitely encourage giving this one a read.
Stone Butch Blues – Leslie Feinberg
Statistics
308 Pages
First Published 1993
Finished May 11th 2023
Thoughts
I think it’s funny when a text is associated as an essential work, yet the discussions I see surrounding the book only seem referencial, not contextual or focused on the writing itself. I feel this way with Stone Butch Blues.
I’ve seen quotes, I’ve seen artistic depictions, memes and posts shaming the commodification of this book over and over before I even knew I was a lesbian. I was fully aware of the intensity of this piece thanks to several kind warnings, and because of those warnings I knew I would be hit hard by the novel, but would likely find some comfort in seeing some experiences (especially that of the earlier chapters) played out. Because of that, this year was finally the time for me to dig into the piece without any preconceived notions of the book and allow myself to embrace it for what it is, and this was a fantastic choice.
Workplace struggle. I find if you don’t come out of reading Stone Butch Blues with that burning familiar feeling that comes with living to survive, and the presence of labor rights and unionization discussion is simply a background piece, I think you go the wrong thing out of this book. I have never seen myself in another lesbian the way I have seen myself in Jess’s stress in the factories, or frustration in typesetting, or the dread and fear that comes with being the person demanding better treatment. To see the struggles I’ve had in the workplace as a butch mirrored here made me feel almost bitter and comforted at the same time.
Interestingly, the parts I connected to the least were the parts that heavily featured the extended presence of lesbian community and interaction throughout the book. Bar culture is dead, communities get tighter and harsher. If I’m being realistic, a lot of what we saw in the novel, the back and forth between different ideological frameworks of not just lesbianism, but how we carry on existing amongst each other would cause such imaginable discourse now (it’s no wonder we can cite the likes of Feinberg and writers of the time discussing the same issues in a circular inescapable tar pit.) I distinctly remember Jess’ disgust at her friends, both butches, being together, and how disgusted it made me. To watch Jess and the surrounding cast grow and change for the sake of living the best lives they could though, that SHOULD be something readers of Stone Butch Blues take in. Whether due to the time, their circumstances, or survival, it was the people who changed and grew who survived.
I cannot finish a review or thoughts on Stone Butch Blues without talking about the way love is depicted. There’s of course a lot of impactful love that isn’t romantic, though longing feels key to Jess’ survival as a butch. These relationships pulled at my heart, seeing the people who I looked up to and loved in the lines talking about Al and the roles Jess was taught. Theresa and Ruth both play such key roles in the depictions of love and roles within the piece. Like Jess being unable to let go in a lot of ways, Theresa to me felt close to the longing I felt when young for that perfect relationship, the one that clicks, the easy proposal and spark. What I saw in Jess and Theresa’s relationship was the walls closing in on what could be normal, what could be acceptable, and the pain of not only being confused as to who you are, but rejected for it. It’s where Ruth offers an embrace of the imperfect, acceptance and understanding of who Jess is and was, along with Jess accepting Ruth. It’s the fact that implicitly, the pair had equal footing over the other, where the lines of gender and love willingly blur for the sake of sincere connection; I can’t think of something more beautiful to end on.
To see someone like Jess embraced and loved. To see Jess and Ruth survive and have those beautiful moments. God. What more could a lesbian ask for.
Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx and Speech Sounds by Octavia Butler
Statistics
55 Pages and 12 Pages
First Published in 1997 and 1983
Finished on September 11th and October 13th 2023
Thoughts
Both short stories I read for my fiction class last semester, and the standout ones at that. These two are in my personal reading list because I took extra care to reread and dissect them for my course, though I honestly have some pretty brief thoughts.
The key thing with these two pieces is you need to experience them. Read them. Read the dialogue out loud, linger over the ways description is constructed. For every page there is a litany of vibrant description and stunning internal narration.
The best way to experience the joy, love and pain these two pieces have to offer without pulling it out of myself is to read the work yourself, and hopefully you’ll be utterly captured by it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The IDW Collection Volume 1 – Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Erik Burnham
Statistics
424 Pages
First Published 2015
Finished October 20th 2023
Thoughts
I got on a big Ninja Turtles kick this year because of my wife (getting into things because of him will come up again), and I’ve got to say the IDW collection is quite fun. It’s not my perfect TMNT lore by any means, but by starting with Raphael and the outside world of New York getting the picture of just what is happening and how it effects the turtles made for an unique introduction that left me absolutely enamored with the boys and their childish spark. I definitely called the turtles cute a lot while reading this, but the IDW series is a must read for turtle lovers in my book and I plan on finding the other volumes.
Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic – Alison Bechdel
Statistics
232 Pages
First Published 2006
Finished October 24th 2023
Thoughts
I described Fun Home in my initial review of the comic as being dunked in ice.
I’d describe it now as standing in a walk in cooler.
My situation isn’t exactly similar to Alison’s but it did scare me. You have a parent in your life you look up to, you loved, but the conditions of your life and theirs make for nothing but well, conflict.
I see Alison’s parents in my grandmother, the love and disgust playing back and forth between the all consuming depth of their creativity. Bruce’s opulent and flowery home feels no different to my family home drenched in southwestern ruggedness and obsessive reverence. The two of them, Bruce and my Grandmother, are more alike than not.
I played around cold dead bodies and flowers waiting for their rightful place on top of caskets.
Missing her, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the ache.
Writing Fiction, Tenth Edition: A Guide to Narrative Craft- Janet Burroway
Statistics
240 Pages
Edition Published 2019
Finished November 30th 2023
Thoughts
Another piece for my fiction class, except I found Burroway’s advice rather flat, basic and trite with far too many examples and not much in the way of exploratory writing outside of the prompts offered within the book, which were the best part by far. I think it’s kind of heartbreaking that thi is one of the most popular means of teaching fiction writing for students.
Murderbot Diaries #1,2 and 3 – Martha Wells
Statistics
3 hours 17 minutes, 3 hours 21 minutes, and 3 hours 46 minutes
First Published 2017 and 2018
Finished December 2nd, 21st, and 25th
Thoughts
For a series I’ve heard about and avoided due to how much I’ve heard about it, this might be the best thing I’ve picked up that was actually worth the hype. I listened to the audio books (narrated by Kevin R. Free, which delighted my brain as a long sung Welcome to Nightvale Fan) with Nel and got instantly sucked in to basically everything.
Murderbot offers a look into the world shamelessly critical of the systems within it while implicitly aware of how dangerous they are for people who fall outside of those systems. The books were an absolute joy to read with someone while reacting incredibly autisticly, and bouncing back and forth discussing the complexities of the world Wells created. In the New Year, we finished book 4 as well, and while we’re stalled for the semester starting, we can’t wait to jump back in to the much longer later books.
Somewhere Like This – Pat Arrowsmith
Statistics
190 Pages
First Published 1970
Finished December 22nd 2023
Thoughts
Likely the most niche book I read this year and the last physical book, Somewhere Like This was originally published in 1970, though my copy published in 1990 offers a preface from the author which lends itself essential to how I digested the book.
Somewhere Like This is a prison novel, depicting the likes of an all Women’s prison the likes of with Arrowsmith understood well, as the preface details the likes of her own sentences for anti-war activism, with this she crafts a narrative surrounding prison life and the intersections of lesbian identity, gender nonconformity and power structure that felt real and raw.
Depictions of women across the spectrum of perspectives in both their internal and external selves was stunning. First and foremost, encountering the way Arrowsmith put to words the social dynamics between women who hold power and the people under them was jaw dropping. Much of the administrative force within the prison system was also women and the clear way evidence of self inflicted misogyny and the misguided ideologies the staff has, from the punitive and corrective means to the more progressive seeming mental support efforts it’s clear from the start that the system fails every person from the top to bottom. This failure becomes clearer and clearer through the cast of prisoners as the the conditions of their imprisonment and their mental state is given to you directly. Many of the women in this prison were failed, whether through abuse, violence, poverty or mistreatment and this is a realistic and painful read.
I find it incredibly rare in the books I’ve read that depict the emotional pain of rejection and existence as a butch so true to form. There’s a particular scene where Lorry, the introductory character to the novel, confronts this life-long part of her existence and is rejected by an officer who she thought was also a butch. I was caught by the dysphoria and shame across the novel, especially by this rejection and the officer’s own conflict and ultimate upholding of the status quo the most. I ask myself how many of us, the butches and women I love in my life, ache and crave for the connection and understanding that the prisoners and workers of Collingwood prison long for.
None of the characters are perfect, but that is what made them feel real. The longing for intimacy, touch and love, that felt real. Bitter heartbreak and raw anger felt real too. Somewhere Like This consistently pulled me into thinking about my own past and reality as someone on an outskirt of womanhood and the meaningful and complex relationships I had in the past and now.
Giving this book a shot after finding it in the somewhat dated Gay and Lesbian section at my used bookstore was one of my favorite decisions this year, and will absolutely pull me back to the section for the hope of more raw, real and niche writing like Arrowsmith’s.
All in all, I’m pretty happy with everything I read this year and really enjoyed getting to write about them for you! If you have any questions for me, wanna talk about this article or want help accessing the books I read, give me a shout!
