Archives

Suffering

The medication I was put on for anti-anxiety causes issues with memory loss and formation. My hair is starting to fall out again. Employment confirmation won’t come.

Incoming Updates

I’ve been in a rough state as of late but I’ve since posted my e-begging and a reminder about my website so, I have a ton of shit to update for my site, the Blaseball page will be getting a rehaul with some shorter descriptions for my fics and some organizational stuff, and I have a lot of things to add to my home page and link directory. If you’re new to the site feel free to comment here, ask questions, let me know if stuff is awry or if you’d like to see something

Site and Brain

Making some site updates in an approach to make my brain work and get into my thoughts. As of right now, the primary updates have been smaller things, link my link library, but I really want to do more.

I’m struggling with the separation and the way how inconsequentially my field dances between sincere concern and a want to better things for people, and the way we function to serve corporate entities. I feel like every turn of an ethical focus, we instead have to abandon them for the sake of the system we are in now. This dissonance in our education and how we are expected to just not apply the ethical and moral obligations we have as communicators.

 

Disability Posting

I’d rather this here than my Tumblr. I am struggling so much to sustain myself. For weeks upon weeks I’ve been dealing with a stuttering heart, with beating I can feel & hear, thumping especially in my ears every few seconds. My motor control keeps decreasing & overall the regression of physicality feels absolutely terrible. It’s hard to act like this is livable, it’s hard to not be disgusted with myself in the face of the spreading rot caused by stagnating into my body. I don’t know how to put this to people but since becoming an adult the only time people are “concerned” about you in a disabled body is if you aren’t making them money. Calling out of work because my head is spinning was a personal failure. No one will come to my apartment unless the rent stops coming in for the landlord, & they’d send a disaster crew to remove the rot I created quick enough to get the apartment listed for someone new. I know I am just in the midst of pretty severe physical & psychological suffering & parts of it will pass in time but how am I supposed to contend with an existence where the future is impossible to view as livable.

AEW Dynamite: Bryan Danielson vs Pac

Lots of good thoughs about this match, the performance and setting for the two of them coming together to be a real challenge, Pac’s conviction, listlessness and dissatisfaction boiling down into a hardened and vicious danger and Bryan’s from the bottom, struggling in the twilight and injury laden latter half of his Elysian run makes for an utterly engaging match. Especially in Bryan’s comeback I’m watching right now, this is captivating.

The barricades may be my favorite new addition. I believe they’re as wide as a gymnastics beam, and the way wrestlers have been adapting them into the movement of the match.

Fantastic ending! Seek out this match immediately.

Linux Thoughts

I should mention I’ve also been trying Fedora on my older, busted laptop, I’m slowly getting it to be a Media Machine, and I’m really pleased with how well it worked. After consistent issues with Ubuntu and a decent over a year experience with Linux Mint, the speed and frictionlessness in which Fedora came together on my machine and I was able to get into situating it was incredibly pleasing! There’s still things that are convoluted and complex of course with Linux, however the OS in this case was not one of them.